My Yoga Story: finding safety & sanctuary
It’s likely that your yoga story is near and dear to your heart. We all arrive at yoga differently, and if we stick with the practice, it is often life-changing. Some of us found yoga through trauma, and that is how my story begins.
In 2010 I started sinking, and fast. Suddenly, I was having ‘attacks’ - something was wrong, and I couldn’t find an explanation.
I would lie down to go to sleep, all things normal. Then, in the middle of the night, I would wake up. My heart would begin racing, I’d break out in a full sweat, my stomach would clench. And I couldn’t go back to sleep. At first, it happened once every month or so, then it became more frequent. Then I couldn’t fall asleep in the first place, and it was escalating.
At the time, I described it as feeling as if I’d been poisoned.
I saw many doctors. They couldn’t figure it out. They thought it was my thyroid, my heart, my hormones. All tests were normal. They gave up on me - prescribing anti-anxiety medications.
I never took them. I knew this wasn’t in my head. I knew, at the age of 37, I hadn’t suddenly developed an anxiety disorder. Something was causing this, and I was determined to figure out what it was.
But in the meantime, my body was broken. I was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep. My body was over-reacting to stress, even the smallest thing, so much so that I had trouble eating. I became very thin - too thin.
I needed to put myself into a relaxed state as much as possible - just to cope. I had done yoga on and off over the years, but was not a regular practitioner. I went online, found a site that offered online classes, and began. At first, I started to lose hope, because I didn’t know the different types of yoga and what they offered. The first few classes I tried were too much exercise for my tired body, and I needed something slow and restful.
That is when I found Yin Yoga. And specifically, Yin Yoga taught by my teacher Bernie Clark. Yin is the slowest form of yoga - and there are no standing poses - you spend your time on the ground. Long held, static postures are Yin’s offering - so we were in poses for 3-5 minutes at a time, sometimes more. During this time, Bernie would talk. His soothing voice taught us about the poses, the benefits of working connective tissues, and how to activate the parasympathetic nervous system - which is the opposite of fight or flight, it is the rest and digest system.
Breathing deep, my body would begin to relax. During class was the only time I felt even a little normal. I would even occasionally nod off in a pose, because my exhausted body would just give in. I did Yin Yoga every day. For an hour or hour and a half, I would step onto my mat. My mat, which had become my life raft. My practice was my constant, something to cling to, and it was helping.
During this time I found a doctor who knew that food sensitivities could cause my symptoms. She put me on an elimination diet. Part of that was eliminating gluten. I did so, and began to improve. Later, I learned I was also sensitive to chocolate. Then corn. With all of these eliminated from my diet, my sleep, and my stress response, returned to normal. It took years, not only to figure all of that out, but for my body to heal.
Certain food sensitivities cause so much inflammation that it can affect your body in strange ways.
So eventually, I healed. And along the way, yoga went from being my life raft to my sanctuary. I still practiced every day, but I expanded my practice to include other forms - especially Vinyasa. Like a dance, Vinyasa moves us with breath, and can be vigorous at times - but moving tension through and out of the body, allows us to really relax by the end.
In 2013, I lost my grandmother. Twenty months later, I lost my mother. The three of us were close, and the loss of those incredible women was something I simply have no words to describe. During this time, I would lie in savasana, tension having left my body, and the tears would flow. No facial expression, just tears flowing down my temples, over my ears, and onto the mat. I could hear them…drip, drip.
I came to understand how powerful yoga was in the body. Having removed tension each day, I was left with what was real for me - the deepest grief. But yoga teaches acceptance. Grief is not to be avoided, but accepted. Once you do that, it seeps into your bones and lives there, forever. It becomes part of you - but that is okay. For it keeps the love of those we lost forever close.
While going through this time of immense loss, I found Blissology yoga - created by my teacher Eoin Finn. Eoin brings love and light to his classes, both in person and online. He teaches happiness as a choice, and yoga’s ability to uncover our innate ability to love in all ways. And when we tap into that energy each day, we bring it out into the world with us - and that creates change.
I was inspired to learn to teach. Yoga had changed my life, and taken me through the most difficult times I’d ever experienced. But even in every day life, finding joy that lives within is a practice - one that we must cultivate to live not only a happy life, but an impactful one.
I thought I would start teaching once I retired. I use the word ‘retired’ loosely, as I don’t believe in retirement, only career change. I believe that we age gracefully when we age with meaning and purpose - so I intend to never stop, but my work would change.
But I couldn’t wait. When you have something to give, you must give. It has become my ‘hobby’, that I work on every single day. I work full time as an SVP at a large company during the day. But in the early mornings, in the evenings, and on weekends, I work on this labor of love.
For if I can give just one person a little of what yoga has given me, then I will have fulfilled my mission.
Yoga is a gift. It is a lineage, passed from teacher to student - who may then become teacher. It’s lessons are those that we should all be taught as children. It is a practice that saves and changes lives.
What is your yoga story?
Namaste, and aloha,
Laura
Ignite a yoga practice that is so YOU.
Find the Happy Yogi within.
To start a 30 Day Free Trial, use Discount Code NEWMEMBER! Unlimited access to the entire LSea Yoga collection, including full challenges, programs, workshops, and lecture content. Also receive discounts on all other LSea Yoga products like journals and retreats. New content added every week. Get 2 months free when you pay annually. To start a 30 Day Free Trial, use Discount Code NEWMEMBER!
